Pcos...the good the bad and the irregular

I had my well woman check up last week. It wad nice to see dr.Cooper and the staff. It's so funny how you are immediatly brought back to prenatal visits by walking through those double doors! As I waited for the dr I got out my list of questions and concerns, are they stupid,do I already know the answers?? The soft knock broke my daydream as I was greeted by a familiar smile! We began to talk about our kids( Elise and get son are a week apart)! She then did the exam and began asking how the ttc was going! With a heavy sigh I explained my irregular cycles and lack of menstration (TMI)! She brought up a past u/s I had done after Ava was born where they mentioned PCOS( polycystic ovarian syndrome)! I had my suspicions about this and she confirmed the diagnosis! Basically my ovaries produce a string of eggs that never release and cause rocky cycles! Sypmtoms of Pcos include excessive hair growth,acne, weight issues,insulin resistence. I have the hair and as of recently the acne. We talke about working with this and making a baby! The game plan is : every month I will track my cycles, my temperature and take ovulation tests! If I do not get my period by day 35 I take a round of provera to start and repeat each month until pregnant. If nothing happens in 6 months we will start clomid( ovulation enhancing drug). U am apprehensive about sythetic medications for inducing womanly functions so the minute I left I hopped on the Internet!

I googled " natural clomid" and was shocked by all the sites that popped up! I came to fund out that many women with Pcos were taking an herbal supplement called soy isoflavones. I researched that and learned that it is an estrogen inducing herb that makes you ovulate!! Sign me up!! I drive out to whole food and bought a bottle! You take it in the dame days as you would clomid which is early in your cycle cd5-10. I am currently on my 4 th day of it and will hopefully ovulate early next week!!! I am temping every morning and checking all my secondary signs so... Fingers crossed this is our month!!!

The soy may or may not work but it's giving me some hope that I will ovulate! I just wish I wad within the "normal" range for a woman. 28 day cycle, 14 day lutal phase ..ect! Oh well, this is the body I was given and god will bless us with a baby when he sees fit!!

God's Hand

On Wednesday october 14 th my cousin gave birth to a healthy 7#5oz baby girl they named Flynn! I spoke with Caitlin the day she went into labor and urged her to go to the hospital( u could hear the pain in her voice)well she went and was admitted! The epi offered no relief and she ended up with an emergency forcept delivery! Luckily my aunt Dianne is the head nurse at that hospitals newborn unti(post partum)! I heard through facebook all the updates and eventually the birth announcement! We were all gushing over the new bundle of joy!! They were sent home from the hospital in Friday( I believe) and were settiling into life at home with a newborn! Pictures kept coming via facebook and it brought back such precious memories of both my girls!!! The last I spoke with Caitlin she was telling me her birth story and the ups and downs of delivery ect...! I saw later that weekend that they were planning on going to an army choir concert in Sunday night!

Monday morning I recieved a text message from my mom that Caitlin her boyfriend and 4 day old baby Flynn were all involved in a horrible car accident! My heart just fell to te floor as I thought of every possible senerio and their outcomes! I immediatly got in the phone and sailed my mom! The story is: the 3 were leaving my aunts house on their way home for the night! They approached an intersection an were hit by a guy running a red light! The car impacted in the passesger side and basically totalled the car! The boyfriend broke a few ribs and some bruising and Caitlin ended up with a shattered right leg! Flynn, was unharmed and SLEPT through the entire thing! Caitlin was taken to the hospital were she ended up getting transfered to a sufferer one that specialized in orthopedic surgery! She under went 6 hours of reconstructive leg/foot surgery! She almost lost her foot! She is still in the hospital and in a great deal of pain! She has a metal plate with screws in the outside that must be tightened accordingly! The baby was able to go back to the newborn nursery and be taken care of by my aunts co-workers!

For those that have children, we all know the first few months can be hell! The sleepless nights, the soreness from delivery, the uncertaintity of everything! Imagine why she is feeling! She can't get out of bed and has to be takn care of! The desire totake care of her new baby is overtaken by sheer pain and discomfort! I do k owthat her whole family has been by her side and will help her in everyway, buy I know she realizes all those first moments of bonding and experiences will forever be lost! This breaks my heart, an as I mother I can't even fathom her own heartache! Hopefully one day she can look back and tell her baby Flynn one hell of a story!!!!

This showed me that lives can change in a snap, their is no segregation when it comes to tragedy and also that god was their for that baby! For Caitlin to be so incredibly hurt is still frustrating, but God laid his hand on Flynn and kept her from harm! I pray for the whole family and wish them all nothing but gods prayers and support through this trying time!

Please pass on these prayers!!!!

A glimpse of life as a single parent

Every October inventory is done for Wes's buisness. The first weekend it's held at the Springfield Mo branch, the 2nd week is here in Kansas City, and the 3rd is in Omaha NE. For this, I hate October! Wes works long late hours and everyone involved are always in foul moods. We are currently on week 3 and Wes left for Omaha early this morning. Even though he is gone during weekdays at work , for some reason when he is out of town, it just feels different. I don't have any family(my side) that lives here and I am always scared of something going wrong while he is away.

The day started off like a normal Friday. Breakfast which consisted of oatmeal for the girls, and cinnamon toast crunch for me(figure that one out)! We had made plans earlier in the week to have some friends over for pizza night ,so that was our running force throughout the day! The girls played for a while while I did some routine chores. We all had an hour of quiet time and at around 3pm we threw on our coats and headed to the grocery store for some pizza toppings and other essential items we needed.

This is the beginning of the downhill slope...

We got to the store and of course the girls were upset that their beloved "race car" shopping cart was already in use. So I grabbed a regular one and told them to get in! They threw such a fit I could have sworn the entire store was staring at me! So there we are in the canned good isle, me pushing an empty cart while the girls run up and down the isle. Other shoppers are glaring at me like I'm "that mom"! Yup, that was me! Ava decided to clear the whole bottom shelf of canned tomatoes and baked beans, while El was kicking them down the isle! I grabbed them, threw them in the cart, threatened them and began rearranging the cans!

We finally made it out of there after 40 minutes and denying them candy, balloons, and a 70 lb pumpkin! We made it home and I let the dogs out back, the girls pleaded with me to play outside! I finally gave in thinking it would wear them out and give me a chance to put away the groceries! I bundled them up and sent them out the back door. About 7 minutes later I see Elise soaking wet( waist down) standing on the back deck, did I mention shoe less?!? I quickly open the door let her in and go to get Ava! I walk down the deck stairs and see her standing(shoeless) in their sandbox, which is more like a wet sand waterhole now. I grab her all their shoes and run back inside! Give them a hot bath due to the purple appearance of they're toes. I bundle them up and sit down to gather myself! Huff, I'm stressed!

Our friends were due to arrive around 5:30 so I prepped all the toppings and got everything else ready to go for pizza night! Ava in the meantime has been whining and crying due to exhaustion. I sit down cover her with her blankie and rock her into a light doze. Elise was quietly playing around the house. I noticed that she was covering up our dog Gracie with her blanket and poking and prodding her face! I told her not to do that because Gracie would snip at her! Not even 3 minutes later I see El push Gracie to her limit. Gracie lunged and snipped Elise in the face! I didn't think much of it at first since it's happened before. I sat and waited for the cry! When the normal cry was replaced by a shrill scream of panic I flew out of my chair (Ava still in tow) and ran over to her! One glance at her made my stomah drop! There on that porceline angel face was a stream of blood running out of her nose and mouth! I threw ava on the couch, grabbed El and ran to the kitchen! I tried to remain calm and took a deep breathe and looked her over. The blood was running pretty heavy so I grabbed a towel and held it firmly on her nose. There was thankfully no bite marks so I assume what happened is Gracie hit her head into Els nose! It bled pretty heavy for about 4 minutes all the while I was trying to call Wes! As soon as I reached him the bleeding had subsided! Of course my first sentence to Wes was" Gracie bit Elise in the face and she is gushing blood"! Poor Wes! I'm considered by him an "over exagerator)It was in the heat of the moment I was scared! We concluded it was just a bloody nose and gave her some tissues to keep on thier just in case! At this point our friends arrived to see blood all over the kitchen and bloody towels on the table! Yummo! Who wants pizza ??? Luckily Eileen is a nurse and checked El over and gave her a clean bill of health!

The rest of out night went according to plan, I'm just anticipating what events are in store for us tomorrow!!! Thankfully Wes will be home by late afternoon! I do have a new found respect for the single parent! It's hard enough with two parents there!! To all you single parents out there, you are my idols!!!

And so it begins...

Over the past few months I have gone back and forth on whether now would be the best time to add to our family. My conclusion, their is never a perfect time so let's leave it in Gods hands! My first real desire came when I walked into Elise and Ava's school orientation! I suddenly felt this overwhelming ache of wanting another child! I don't know if it was due to the fact that my babies are growing so fast and I want to hold onto their youth and innocence as long as possible or if it was the 7 other expecting mothers glowing and rubbing their belly's! Either way I left that meeting with a smile on my face and a tear in my eye! My girls will begin a new chapter in their lives and we as a family will as well!!

Since April of this year I began tracking my cycles, just on a calendar. I never have kept track before and for some reason felt compelled to do so! Wes and I wanted to wait until the end of summer to begin trying. So I continued to track on the calender and seemed to have pretty regular cycles. Well come August when we officially began to try, I started charting and paying close attention to my body! September quiclkly approaches and I am nearing the "golden time" to test. I think when people are trying to conceive you fabricate symptoms into your mind and you begin to really feel them! I felt bloated, fatigued, nausea the whole bit, so out came the home pregnancy test( hpt)! I took it with such high hopes but they quickly sank when only one blue line appeared. I waited and continued to test over the next week! I was still "late" so figured I had miscalculated some dates and waited a week longer! Finally after 2 months of BFN's ( big fat negatives) and no period-sorry TMI, I called my OB! I vented my frustration to the poor nurse telling her I was 56 days late, yep 56! she quickly calmed me down and set me up a time to come in for a beta blood test! I gathered up the girls and we headed to the doctors. After the blood draw I had high hopes, maybe I ovulated late and the blood test will pick up an earlier positive then a home test would! After 2 agonizing days of waiting they called and said my numbers were normal and that my Dr. ( DR.Cooper ) would write a Rx for a drug called Provera! This is supposed to mimic your bodies own natural progesterone rise and fall which induces menstruation! This leads us to current day! I am on day 8/10 of the Provera and will hopefully start af(aunt flo) early next week! I also have my yearly exam with Dr. Cooper next Thurs so either come early or start after I leave my apt!!! I am not rescheduling and missing out on a great opportunity to voice my utter frustration and concerns! We'll see!

Wes and I haven't mentioned this to very many people! My Mother and sister and that's about it! Want to keep everything hush hush until we have a bean in there!! Fingers crossed it happens soon!!!