Belly shots

18weeks

19weeks

20weeks

21weeks

Sweet Baby Boy

That's right, after two beautiful daughter we are thrilled to announce we are having a BOY!!!!

From day one I knew I was carrying a boy. I was right with both girls, I mean how could I be wrong?? haha. Most people we know thought boy as well. Im not sure if it was wishful thinking or intuition but almost everyone was right. We got to the appointment right on time and of course had to wait, I with an overfilled bladder. That part is never fun. We got called back by one of the sonographers(never had this one before). We got in the room and lights went off and away we were. We started with the head and worked our way down. I could tell Wes was getting antsy, but I would rather make sure of a healthy baby first and then find our the gender last, Wes... not so much. He would rather eat dessert before dinner. She was somewhere on his stomach when boom, she moved the wand quickly and said, "IT'S A BOY"!!!!! What? I wasnt ready, we were looking at his tummy, haha. So then she let us see the "goods". Wes was shocked, but I knew, so just enjoyed the moment. A trillion thoughts crossed through my head and at that point the rest of the scan was a blur. Good thing we got the important stuff out of the way first.

Baby Boy is measuring at 20wks 3 days, so slightly behind 21 weeks.Weight is 14 oz. Dr said thats ok. I finally gained weight, a whopping 3 pounds! haha, Dr said thats ok too!! We have been cleared for travel and now I can sit back and enjoy the upcoming Holidays!! We are soooooo BLESSED!!! Our family is complete!!

2nd Tri Belly pic's

17 weeks

16 weeks

15 weeks

14 weeks

12 weeks

Next appointment is the BIG one!!! November 17th at 9:30, we will find out boy/girl!

Pumpkin Patch

We headed out for our annual Pumpkin Patch trip today. Granted, it was about 80 degrees and blaring sun but we all had a great time. Wes's two sisters joined us with their little ones and all the cousins were able to play and enjoy the fun together. We were about 1/2 done with our day and my stupid camera battery died, i was sooooo flippin mad. I was able to use my phone to take some shots and Wes's sister Nancy took some with her camera. The girls picked out pumpkins, we ate funnel cake, snow cones, and caramel apples. We are all so worn out, and just ready to curl up on the couch and relax. Here are some pictures of our excursion and also of the stupid scarecrow I had to buy at Home Depot. I am regretting that decision more and more. Every time I walk by our front door or a window I jump half a mile thinking it is someone standing in my front yard. Seriously?? haha

Wave of Light

This is in honor of the child I never got to hold, see, or meet. You forever changed my life and we were blessed to have you as long as we did. 5/10/10

Autumn

Where we got Married
Lake Placid NY



This is my favorite time of year, although I would much rather live on the East coast where the leaves change like a wildfire and the air is cool and crisp. Kansas will have to do! We get a good couple of weeks of color change and then you wake up one morning and all the leaves are brown. Wes and I just celebrated 7 years of marriage. We married in Lake Placid NY at the end of September so we could capture the beauty of the season! I am already prematurely enjoying my leggins and frumpy sweaters. I haven't busted out the Ugg's yet, but they are not far away!!

The girls are happily back in school. Its so nice having the school in my backyard. I usually walk them over in the morning, I enjoy the fresh air and the bit of exercise.This school is considerably smaller than our last one and i am still trying to adjust to that. The girls handled the transition just fine, its mommy that misses her friends!!

Tomorrow marks week 14 in my pregnancy. This has been a very long and miserable 14 weeks. It started with the constant fear of something going wrong with the baby, that changed into the constant nausea and fatigue. I began a prescription for an anti-nausea medication that has turned me back into a human. I just wish I hadn't waited so long to ask for some help. Wes and I are starting to talk names, should be interesting since he has a generational name, and I just cant do it. That will be a whole other post. I will wait for our big U/s before I cause a huge fight, but he has been warned. I have my reasons and they are extremely legit! Not just because of the name itself (not too keen on that either) but a whole slue of reasons that must be discussed or argued! Stay tuned for that...should make a great post!

Hope everyone enjoys the beginning of the fall season! Curl up on the couch in your leggins and fuzzy sweater, sip on some hot apple cider and feel the cool breeze pass through your window. Ahhhhhh Fall!

Belly Gallery

Im nearing the end of the 1st tri and wanted to include some pictures.It is really starting to go by fast now. Next appt is on the 24th, we get to hear the thump thump this time...cant wait!


10 weeks

6weeks

Ten

This has been quite the week!

I will start off by saying I have made it to 10 weeks!!! Wahooo! I knew finding out so early on would make the 1st trimester never ending. So here we are just a few weeks out from the 2nd tri! I cant believe I'm even writing that! I have been up and down with sickness. The nausea seemed to cease for 2 weeks and then has come back with a vengeance. It almost makes me depressed. I feel awful that I don't have the energy to play with my girls, let alone take them anywhere. It takes all my strength just to take a shower, forget making dinner or vacuuming. My house has quickly turned into a pit. Laundry has piled up, pantry has run dry, floors unswept. All these things that I could not let go for a day are now being put off for weeks. I know that the 2nd tri offers relief, I am holding onto the hope of that. I was able to get a sneak peak of our little bean last week, its actually looking more human like. how amazing to watch this blob turn into an actual human. The baby had tiny arms and legs and the head was perfect. I go back in 3 weeks for my 13 week scan and appt. So excited!

We celebrated 10 years of graduating from high school this weekend. We began the weekend at an informal "happy hour" at a bar and grill down the street. Many old classmates came and it was so fun to walk down memory lane. Of course I was drinking my water and was asked several times why, ha ha! So I spread the news of our pregnancy. It felt good to get it out, I have been keeping it a secret since July! We all had a great time on Friday and I knew that Saturday would be amazing too. I, along with a few other Mom's were on the planning committee! We all enjoyed being able to go out mid week for our "planning meetings". I took on the responsibility of decorations and so early Saturday Ashley and I headed down to our venue and began setting up. We had such a great time playing around. The anticipation of the night was quite overwhelming, I felt as if it was my wedding. I bought an adorable dress and the most kick ass shoes! We went out to dinner before hand with Ashley and Mike. We had a great time, i am glad I was fed and now could relax at the reunion. We arrived and already their were tons of people. All our decorations looked great and I could help but feel proud! We worked the room, checked everything out and then enjoyed ourselves till 2 am! Yup, 2 am! It was actually fun staying sober, I was able to see people go from prim and proper, to hot messes! So fun! i want to throw parties for a living, how fun would that be?? So here are a few pic's of our night! I give it a 10/10!!!!!

Flicker

I had my much awaited sono and appt on Friday, 13th. Good thing I am not superstitious. We sat in the waiting room, my feet were tapping in anticipation, I read 4 magazines without even looking at the words. When my name finally got called to come back, I felt a surge of panic. "What if there is no baby?" "What if there is but no heartbeat?" We walked back to the room, the same exact room where we were told our last baby was gone. She flipped off the lights and the exam began. I immediately saw a sac with something inside it. She quickly steered away from it and measured other things. NOTE: Don't do this to someone that is on the verge of a breakdown. She finally got back to the little sac and blob, and before she could even say it, I began crying. The little flicker was so obvious and beautiful. She let me watch with tear filled eyes for a good 2-3 minutes. It was heaven. I am only 7 weeks so the baby is not even distinguishable yet, so we still have some weeks ahead that we must get through. But seeing a heartbeat, and a strong one 134bpm, lowers chance of miscarriage by 75%. We quickly met with Dr.Cooper and she set me up for a ultrasound in 2 weeks. She just wants to watch me closely and make my worry lessened. She said that if in 2 weeks the heartbeat is still strong and things look good, we will more than likely carry to term. I am only think positive thoughts and thinking of our future!! Here is a little pic of or baby, or blob at this point!

Eggshells

The days seem to be creeping by at a snails pace. Why is it that every other woman's pregnancy flies by and mine stands still.Everyday seems like a mall victory! Everyday I get closer to my goal of seeing the baby and seeing a heartbeat. I think that once I physically see that flicker I will ease up. I do have some positive things on my side: I feel pregnant! Last time I felt pregnant for a few days and then felt normal. I chalked that up to "every pregnancy is different", and "be happy your not sick"! Well this one is the total opposite! I haven't been sick but definitely feel a little woozy throughout the day. The big symptom I have is FATIGUE! It has struck with a vengeance! I have so much energy in the morning but come 3-4pm I cant get off the couch. I was soooo tired yesterday and had to pee so bad that I seriously contemplated peeing on a towel just so I didn't have to get up!! Hahahah! Don't worry, it crossed my mind, but what kind of example would I be setting for my girls! I am still going to the gym but moderating my workouts and keeping my heart rate low. its tough for someone that only feels a workout consists of total fatigue and being on the verge of puking after every workout. This is tough. I went for blood work this past Monday and got my results:

Hcg-5,275
progesterone-10.1

Both levels are great according to Dr. Cooper. The nurse however said she thought my Progesterone was a tad low. Thanks for the worry!! one more thing for me to stress out about. The Dr. reassured me that all my levels are right where they should be. We went ahead and scheduled my first appointment. i will go next Friday the 13th! How fitting!!! A sono, blood work and meeting with Dr. cooper are all in the agenda. I cant wait to see a heartbeat!! I will be 7 weeks, and I know you can see a flicker by then. i am still nervous, since my last experience with an ultrasound did not go well. I will update as soon as I can. I cant wait to start this journey and take you all along with me!

Register

New York, New York

I have since recovered from our long trip to New York. We arrived on Tuesday July 13Th and from then on it was go go go! Going to NY always makes me feel refreshed and whole again. Living out here in Kansas I don't have a single family member, at times it can get very lonely. Especially when I see or hear of my friends always getting together with their families. It does however make me appreciate my Parents and sister so much more and to also cherish every moment we DO spend together.

We had a blast, we went to the children's museum, the rose gardens, spa day(my favorite), Lake Placid, had a huge BBQ. When it came time for the dreaded flight home I sulked all day. Wes saw how sad I was and went ahead and extended my trip by a whole week. What a husband!! The girls and I were able to spend 7 more days with my parents and sister. During that time we went to the horse races, the park, played in the pool, and spent many hours just enjoying one another. We plan on returning in December for my sisters College graduation so it wont be too long before I see them again. I will leave ya with some pics from our trip!!







And a little souvenir we took home with us...



More details to come in the following weeks!! We are thrilled!
*****disclosure***** we have not told all our family or friends yet, waiting for my first appt! So please no Facebook comments or anything else. I just had to tell my blogger buddies:-)

My baby is 3

It's so crazy how time seems to slip right out from under us! i remember being pregnant with Ava and it seeming like it would never end, then In the blink of an eye your there in the delivery room holding your precious baby! the days and weeks seem to go by in nano seconds when you have a newborn, you are constantly waiting for the millstones, the first smile, the first time they roll over,laughing, crawling, standing, walking. That first year is a blur, thank god for photos and video! Now here we are about to begin 3 yr old preschool. Ava seems very wise for her age, she speaks so well, and actually listens and understands emotion! I owe alot of her advancement to her big sister. Elise is always helping Ava with games, and answers her in their own "sister language". Ava is our more subdued, quiet one that seems to sit back and observe. But don't let her quiet disposition fool you, she can play just as hard if not harder than most! The two seem to compliment each other so well. Elise is very strong willed, independent, active, and great at solving problems. Ava is the thinker, the voice of reason, she also will ask for help when needed. The two of them are the perfect pair. Many people ask if they are twins, they are 19 mos apart and look so alike. Ava is almost as tall as her big sister, so I can see why people would think that. I especially get asked that at the grocery store when they are riding in the cart!
We had a great little party this past weekend, and Ava got a big girl bike, which unbenonced to her has a busted front tire, so we will have to return it when we get home form NY. We leave for NY tomorrow and I couldn't be more excited. After my miscarriage I have been craving a vacation. I want to be with my parents and sister, and surround myself with people that care about me! We are having a huge BBQ bash for Ava and basically a family reunion this Saturday. Family is coming form all over the east coast, so I am just totally excited! I cant wait to see everyone! The day we are supposed to return( 7-21)I will be 12 dpo which mean test time! I ovulated this past Saturday, right during Ava's party, go figure! so Hopefully we will have some good news to share soon. If not, onto next month, I have learned that it will happen when its supposed to and no matter how bad I obsess or how many tests I take its still all up to God. well, i better get to packing! I will leave ya with some pics of Ava's birthday!

Busy, busy, BUSY!

At this rate summer is going to zip right by us! It's already the end of June! So much going on, we have trips and birthdays, reunions, showers, weddings, parties, the list is endless! I finally joined a gym and quickly have become a gym rat! I love working out and better yet, the girls love the daycare center!! We go to the pool every afternoon and my girls are the brownest, blondest babes on the planet!! We are lovin life right now!! We have to start planning miss Ava's birthday party, I want to have it done before we head out to NY! We are
going to the annual Lenexa BBQ this weekend!! Always a good time. It's so fun running into old highschool friends and catching up! 4th of July we are spending with my girlfriend Candace. She lives on an awesome farm and we plan on camping and bonfires and fireworks, I can't wait!!! After the fourth is ava's bday, and the next week is NY! So much going on, but all of it is making this summer one to remember! I am also taking advantage in hoping that this will be the last summer without a new baby. Hopefully by this time next year we can have a new addition! But I have really put all my faith and trust into god to present us with that gift when he sees fit!! I am updating from my phone and of course it's about to die, so until next time... Enjoy your summer!! Xoxoxoxox

One month

It will be exactly one month tommorow since we had our loss. In all honesty it feels so much longer. I'm not quite sure if that's a good thing or not. Don't get me wrong, I still have my days of despair and depression but I do believe my heart is healed. I don't understand why it happened and I never will, but it did happen and I've made my peace with that. I have a feeling my cycles are going to be racked out for a while and wes and I both agreed we would just relax and let things happen on their own. No more drugs, no more charting just good ole fashioned loving;)! We leave for NY in a few weeks and couldn't be more excited! I can't wait to spend time with my family, I sure need a dose of normalcy!

Summer luvin

Ahhh, Summer!!
BBQ's,fireflies,pool,late nights!! We had a rather rough winter and I believe it is making me appretiate this beautiful weather more than normal. Our summer schedual is simple, do housework before noon, eat lunch and then off to the pool! Not a bad life, huh?? The girls seems so grown up, they do so well at the pool and Elise has even mastered swimming under water! I love watching them splash and play in the blue water. I still can't help to think that I should be pregnant right now sitting by the pool. I have done a pretty good job of making peace with the whole experience but it still REALLY hurts! I do think that everything happened at the right time. I'm glad it's not winter and I'm locked up inside for months, I'm glad the sun has been shining, I'm glad I can watch my girls play and smile. We are continuing to try for a baby but not putting so much pressure on ourselves. I want to enjoy this time, who knows where we'll be this time next year! New house? New baby? Who knows, I do however know what we have now and I'm going to cherish every part of it!! So it seems I became a little side tracked with my thoughts!! Hope everyone has a fabulous summer, and remember to cherish every moment!

Therapy

It has been a week since our loss. I physically am back 100%, emotionally in on my way. I went through some episodes of depression last week, anger, and on the days I felt good I felt guilty for feeling that way. Everyone says they are surprised with how well I'm doing, those comments confuse me. Should I be more upset? Should I not be able to get out of bed? I don't want everyone to think that I have moved on and forgotten because I haven't! This week I would have been counting down to my first ob appt, now Friday will just be Friday. The house work is still a struggle, I just don't want to clean or do the laundry. The girls have been sleeping in random clothes for bed and I have stuck with the comfy sweats and fuzzy socks all week.

After 3 days of "take out" dinning I decided to take control. I gathered up a bunch of ingredients and got to work. 2 hours later I had dinner for the next 3 nights prepared! I was rather excited with my accomplishments and seeing Wes's expression when I told him I cooked was priceless. I made Chicken Divan( my childhood favorite) it's a creamy chicken and broccoli casserole served over rice. I made spinach and mushroom manicotti, and chicken,mole tamale casserole. It was so nice to be able to relax and bot have to worry about, what's for dinner?? Saturday opened up a whole new can of worms. I had experienced the tranquility of cooking and wanted to return to my "happy place"! I decided to go all in! We invited a friend over for dinner and I knew I had to impress.

Here is my menu:
Bruschetta with roasted tomato and garlic.
Field greens with bacon and goat cheese, citrus vinaigrette
Muscles Josephine( steamed muscles in a wine, tomato broth)
gnocchi with tomato vodka sauce

I knew it was a large endeavour but also knew that the bigger the task, the longer I had making it, therefore the better I would feel. I pour myself a big glass of Shiraz and got to work. I prepped all the east stuff, salad, bacon, onions, peeled potatoes...
Gnocchi would be the most time consuming so while the potatoes boiled I got everything else ready. Gnocchi are basically a potato dumplings. You mash potatoes and add egg, and flour. You then roll the dough into little strips and cut into half inch pieces. You then roll that dough down the back of a fork and plop into simmering water. They cook for about a minute and you remove and shock in ice water. I was covered in flour, but loving it! I made 2 pounds of the little boogers! They are very dense and filling so paired with the other dinner items it worked!! I tossed the gnocchi in a vodka sauce and they were amazing!! The girls just ate and ate!!
The muscles are a favorite of wes and I! We had them for the first time on our anniversary at the Bone Fish Grill. I went home and began trying to imitate the recipe, I do think I have just about got it. The muscles steam open in a tomato, red onion, garlic broth. The secret ingredient is Sambucca( anise flavored liquor). When the shells pop open the add there own broth to the pot. We always dunk crusty bread in the bottom of our bowls!! What a magnificent meal! Our friend was overly impressed and we all had a great time eating and laughing! I believe that I found my therapy! Do what makes you happy! I enjoy cooking, I especially enjoy seeing others enjoy my cooking! Happy cooking everybody!!

Rain

The rain had been steadily falling now for days. I am almost glad that the sun isn't shining and the birds aren't chirping. It makes me feel better that I can sit inside and curl up on the couch without feeling the guilt of not being out in the sunshine. I know I sound down and dark but that's where I'm at right now. It's been two days now since our loss and the physical pain has subsided but the emotional pain has now fully set in.

I spoke with my Dr today and let me just say, I am so blessed to have a Dr. that is so caring and empithetic to her paitents. My HCG count was low (200) and that was before I even passed everything so i am assuming they have fallen even more. I will go back next week for a follow up blood draw to see where my levels are at.

The emotional part of this is very deep. I have never in my life felt this low. I find myself crying for absoloutly no reason. I could be hanging my clothes up in my closet and just fall to my knees in tears. I am trying my best to put on my "mommy" face and go through our day with as much normalcy as possible. It's so hard to fix a peanut butter sandwhich when all I want to do is crawl into bed and cry. I have also found myself very aggitated. The tiniest things are setting me off. I realize that my hormones are playing a huge role in my highs and lows and I know that once they stabalize I will also. Many women have said that after hearing my story it brought them right back to they're "dark" day. This really made me understand that this is something that will never go away. I will be reminded of this in weeks, months, years down the road. This was my baby, a baby I would have loved. A baby my girls would have called there brother or sister. Nothing will replace this void in my heart. It will take time to get through this and I realize that even though I can't see the big picture right now, there is one! I just have to place my faith in God to get me through.

I have always loved the rain, but I have never loved it more than I have this week.

Loss...

I will make this as short as possible as I an having difficulty even writing. Today I had a miscarriage. I never announced my pregnancy publicly and I think subconsiously now I know why. I was 6 weeks and 4 days. I began spotting on Saturday night and by this morning it had turned from pale pink to deep red. I knew what was happening but called the Dr anyway. She had me come in for a sono and it only showed a 4 week sac, no baby, no heartbeat, an empty sac. I walked through my front door and the cramping started, I am in quite alot of pain, not just physically but emotionally. Hopefully the worst is over and the cramping will subside. I just can't believe this is happening to me. It has taken me 10 months to get this baby and now your taking it! Why??? So Many questions that will never be answered. Well, the world still turns so onward I go. I'm hoping tomorrow will be better.

The Sunshine State

We just returned home from our week long trip to Florida! Needless to say, we had an absolute BLAST!!! Everyone is tan and somewhat relaxed now. Now only if the girls would stop begging me to take them to the pool everyday. Our's will not be open for another 3 weeks!

We left early for Ft.Meyers on Saturday morning, 4:15 to be exact!!! We got checked in and waited for the announcement to board. The lady came on the speaker and informed us that due to weather in Atlanta we would be delayed until Atlanta airport reopened! OK, no big deal, oh wait, we have a connection that would have regularly only granted us 30 minutes to transfers planes! Yikes! Hopefully since the airport was completely closed that would mean that our other flight would be delayed as well. We finally boarded the plane 2 hours later than scheduled. We were seated all together in the rear, and off we went! I will spare you the horrible details of the traumatic plane ride! My knuckles were a shade of white I never want to see again! Luckily the girls slept through it all! We landed,( THANK THE LORD ), and ran to see if our flight had already left. Yup, missed it by and hour and a half! UGH!!! We were sent to Customer Service and there they gave us our options:
A. Wait until the next flight to Ft.Meyer at 6:15 arriving at 8

B.Fly into Sarasota and rent a car and drive 1.5 hours to Ft.Meyers.

We cussed and discussed, the kids were so antsy so we decided there was no way we could survive 7 hours in this airport. Sarasota here we come. We left on the 2:15 flight, which was also delayed due to lack of a pilot, SERIOUSLY????? 2 Hours later we made it to Sarasota were we rented a minivan and headed to Wes's Parents house! We arrived there around 6:30, should have been there by noon that day but oh well, cant control these things! We had a great visit, the girls swam in there pool, we ate seafood like it was going out of style and we went out on they re boat and saw dolphins! It was so nice to relax and enjoy the warm air, and not have to worry about cleaning the house or laundry, or what to make for dinner!







We left Ft. Meyer on Tuesday, and headed to Orlando to go meet Mickey Mouse!!! We got to our hotel around 12:00, got checked in and boarded a shuttle to take us to the magic kingdom! We got to the park around 2, and off we went. We stood in lines in the blazing sun, for most of the rides, but all the waiting and aggravated kids were worth it! We went on every ride except the roller coasters, it was a very tiring day! We stayed for the light parade and the fireworks that closed the park at 10. the girls were beat, the slept the whole ride back tot eh hotel and didn't even wake when we changed them into their jammies! What a fun day!!







After Disney we headed to our final destination down the street at the JW Marriott. Let me tell ya, it was A MAZ ING!!!! Wes had his meeting during the days and the girls and I would go to the pool and hang! They had 7 different pools that were all connected by 1.5 mile lazy river, need I say more?? in the evening we would go to the receptions with Wes for dinner. It was an absolutely amazing trip, i loved every part of it, and even though it was a nightmare getting there, it was well worth it!

Spring into craziness

Well, here we are, mid April and spring has finally sprung!! Still no baby, and no luck on selling our house:( The weather however has made this all easier to handle. I'm in the midst of ovulation and am really hoping it happened this month. I didn't have the extreme cramping I had last month but I did get a positive on an ovulation test. I am on cd 19 and obviously o'd later than I did last month, I just need to watch my temps over the next few dats to confirm! I was supposed to go in for bloodwork on in 3 days but since I ovulated later in my cycle I'm going to wait a few more days. I have a positive Feeling this month, Lord knows Wes and I have "covered" our bases! We will try this one more month if this cycle is unsucessful. I just am afraid I will hurt my ovaries dye to the clomid if we continue for much longer. Please keep us in your prayers!

In real estate news, our house has now been on the market for 33 days! We have had 21 showings and mainly all positive feedback. The main issue for buyers is the stupid parking lot that our house backs up to! I on the other hand LOVE having the privacy of no neighbors living behind us. It's a church for crying out loud!! The only time the lot is full is Sunday, and it's clear by 1 pm!! Good thing our trees are almost all full and covering the view from our windows!! We have been looking for houses every weekend since we listed. We have found a few strong canidates that I could deffinitly picture myself living in! Now we just need to sell our place!

We leave for Florida in a couple weeks and honestly, I can't wait! I was very hesitant on even going since wes will be there for
buisness and I will be stuck with the girls everyday! Then I thought about it, stuck with the kids at home in Kansas or stuck with the kids in Florida at a 5 star resort laying by the pool, hmmm?? We are staying with wess parents for the first few days in Ft.Meyers and then driving up to Orlando. We will try to go to the park one day and maybe seaworld the next, the rest of the week will be poolside at the resort! Hopefully I will be able to spend some evenings with Wes, much needed!! After our return we will be planning out next vaction to NY!! Busy busy! But hey, it's better than sitting around and being bored!

I'll try and update my blog more often, between cleaning, showings, kids, school, it gets crazy and then it's time for bed! Hope everyone is enjoying spring!!

Bloggers Block

Sorry I've been MIA lately! It's been so nice outside and the girls and I are taking full advantage of the not so cold, not yet too hot weather! I felt like posting updates to my cycle but figured that repeating the same crap every month is getting rather old! I am trying to de-stress and relax! We have so much going on right now! School, watching kids, hair appts, tans,nails,Florida,Easter,birthdays, yikes!!!! I really can't think of much else to write about, crazy I know! I'm known for my long winded posts! I guess we can sum this up to Bloggers Block!

Things that go Bump in the night, part deux

It happened again!!!!

Ava Mae split her forehead open just millimeters from her previous forehead laceration!! 2x in five months, I'm praying this is it for awhile, if I bring this kid to the ER one more time they'll arrest me!!

I watch a girlfriend from highschools 4 year old daughter on MWF, the girls were all playing nicely in the basement while I was trimming the leaves off my dying palm tree. Candace(mommy of Paige) arrived and we were chit chatting in my front entry. We all the sudden hear Ava start crying. At first we both assumed it was due to a hit from one of the girls or a toy taken away. When the crying intensified I recognized the injury cry! I went flying down the steps, Candace at me heels. I flung open the basement door and there stood my little Ava covered in blood! I'm talking bucket of blood, Carrie style! I saw the cut and put my hand over it, grabbed her and ran to the kitchen. I grabbed some wet paper towels and applied pressure. Candace grabbed my phone and called Wes and then 911. Poor Candace, she was shaking worse than me. Wes left work and headed home, the ambulance was in route and we were all shaken up! Ava in the meantime was just laying on the floor asking what was all over my hands(blood)! I kept distracting her and comforting her until the EMTs showed up! We quickly let them in and they started they're assesment! Total: 2 police cars, an ambulance, and fire suv! The police were questioning me about what happened while the EMTs were checking out ava's condition. I understand they have to ask how, and where it happened but does each police
officer have to ask?? It makes you feel guilty of something you had no control over. My favorite was, " were the kids playing alone?" yes!! They were! Arrest me!! It turns out that a speaker inthe basement was pushed over by Elise and bonked Ava right on the head! The EMTs bandaged her up and gave her the ok to head to the hospital via our car. I waited for Wes and once he arrived we headed on out! I wish I had pictures of the basement, it looked like we slaughtered a goat! Hand prints in blood streaked on the walls, blood on the door knob! Perfect for potential house buyers!! Haha
We got to the childrens hospital and triaged fairly quickly. They put a numbing gel on her cut and them 3 stitches later we were done! I gave the abriged version, it took almost 4 hours start to finish. We picked Ava up a Happy Meal(since she was the model patient) and headed home.

Fast forward to morning.

Ava wakes me around 8 am, she is standing next to my bed and softly tells me " Elise helped me get the HAIR out of my owie"! Hair??? I immediatly moved her bangs and saw the one dangling stitch left! Are you serious??? Why are you not crying?? Why isn't it bleeding??? Oh dear God!!! I set up an appoinment to see her pediatrician. They taped it up and said be careful! Wow, thanks guys! I could have saved my 40$ and put a "hello kitty" band aide on it at home!

She is playing like normal and just must be accident prone! I can't stop shaking my head everytime I look at her!

I'll post some pics soon!!

Sweet emotions?

The house has been on the market now for 10 days! We have had a showing every single day except Sat, and Mon but had 3 last Thursday! Well today I made the mistake of doing a "drive by", the woman was sitting on the front porch while her husband was inside talking to the Realtor. I got a weird feeling that these might be the couple to buy our house. Around 8pm tonight we got an email feedback from they're Realtor, it said: " loved the house, shows very nicely, great updates! Buyers are a little unsure about the floor plan.". We are taking this as very positive feedback! At our price range most houses are in the same layout, we just have a more updated version, plus the fab walk out basement!!! We are hoping the view other homes in the area and realize this is the best fit for them!

Now on the other end. I realized after reading this that someone is going to buy our house. This will no longer be ours! I know it sounds lame and overly emotional but this was our first house! We renovated it inch by inch. We had both girls in this house, celebrated countless birthdays and holidays. Now someone else will be doing this! I know we will be in a bigger and better house but I have grown to love this place!

I need to re-read "money pit" post

I was cooking in my kitchen tonight like I do every night and realized, hey, some other mom or wife or girlfriend will be standing here soon! Wow!! That's when the floodgates opened. Wes walked in and took one look and turned around( smart move)! He returned and I explained what and how I was feeling! Of course he understands, he has put much more time and effort into this place than I have but all the same WE made this house a home!! I then had to picture myself in a brand new kitchen with granite counters, stainless steel appliances and all the fix ins, I got over it!

I'm also chalking this all up to my uncontrollable hormones! I finally OVULATED!!!! Wahoooooo! So now were in the dreaded 2 week waiting game. I am feeling quite confident about things and hope this is our month!!! I go for blood work on Thursday so we will know 100% if I ovulated, I sure I have due to my temp rise and other secondary signs. I know we hit all the right days too, it's just up to God!

Thanks for listening to my rant. It's just a miss mash of thoughts and emotions.

Am I in Labor???

This clomid is wrecking havoc on my uterus!!!! The cramping started Tuesday morning and has progressivly gotten worse. I'm talking labor intense pains, doubled over pains,nausea causing pains! I called the nurse line on Tuesday and they said it's pretty common to have intense cramping on clomid. Ok, so I continued my week in pain taking aleve every 4 hours. Friday night was the worst. I could barely walk, I could feel my ovaries throbbing! I took a hydrocodone I had left over from a previous injury and drifted off into lala land! This morning my temp rose and my cramping has subsided. I am praying to God that I ovulated and that all that pain was worth it! I still am achy so I went ahead and called the "on call" Dr. They called back and I explained my symptoms and he said that my ovaries are filled with cysts(due to the pcos) and that the clomid is causing them to rupture. Wow, no wonder I've been in pain! I have land mines exploding on my already swollen ovaries! He called me in a rx for Darvaset(sp) and hopefully since the cramping has gone down I won't need it. I have a feeling I od yesterday and that's why I'm feeling better, but until I see that sustained temp I m not holding my breath. Please pray that this is working! I will be beyond devastated if I went through all this agony for another anovulatory cycle. I have my progesterone levels checked next Thursday. Please, please work this month! Please.

March Madness

Welp, we are officially on the Market!!!! Wea and I have been going full steam for the past week, talk about tired... We had the carpets steam cleaned, a stager come and advise us on furniture placement and also did some last minute touch ups. We are looking forward to starting the whole process, well minus the "get out of the house in 30 min rule"! So much going on and Its all a little overwhelming. Good news is that Wes was so persistant in calling the Sony company that we got a brand new 52 in Tv. Thank God! We had our basement re-carpeted and all our "major" issues are turning around! Hopefully the most imoportant one... A Baby, will be next! i can almost guarentee with all the craziness right now that it will happen!! ha!

I am currently on cd10 and waiting paitently for ovulation. I finished my clomid 3 days ago and had no side effects!! Hopefully that dosnt mean its not working! I will hopefully ovulate within the next few days!!! If not, we will try one more month and then give ourselves a break! I will update more later this week!!

Green light go

Just a quick update on my cycle.

I got af on Friday feb 26th after 9 days of Provera(took longer than past months). I began my 100mg of clomid on Sunday and will continue till Thursday. My clomid calculator says I should ovulate 5-7 days after my last pill. So next Tuesday. Wes better be resting up ;)
I need to call Dr.Cooper and see if she wants me back for a progesterone ck on cd 21. I am praying it works this month. This is my last chance for a 2010 baby.

That's it for now, just wanted to bring everyone up to speed!

Money Pit

I'm not joking when I write this, my house is falling apart before our eyes! I am so freaking frustrated right now I had to post about it! First let me start by saying I love my house, nix that, I LOVED my house! This was our "first place", our "nest" us becoming adults! Wes and I bought this house the spring after we got married. We had put an offer in on a very similiar house a few blocks away but were confronted with a biding war-no thanks. We kept searching until we found this one. We toured it and let me tell ya, it was rough! All walnut trim,panel walls,doors, shag carpet, yellow tile,wall paper, you get the drift. We saw the potential and got the house. Since then we have put our hearts and souls into renovating each and every room. We have turned this beast into a beauty! We welcomed both our darling girls home in this house, we've had numorous Holiday celebrations, birthdays, and poker nights. With wanting to add to our family we feel it best to "move on up", this has actually been a thought of ours for the past 2 years. It's big house easily capable of housing a family of 5 but Wes and I want to be comfortable an not have to worry about moving once the kids get older. Plus this school system SUCKS!!

Onto the Drama. It all started in early January when our pipes burst and ruined our basement. Refer to blog post " Happy new Year???". We have been through the gamet with our insurance co, our mortgage co,plumbers, adjusters, clean up crews and eachother. The basement is trashed and down to the subfloor. We removed all the carpet and are just waiting for our mortgage co to sigh and release our insurance checks!

Our kitchen sink has been acting up for the past year an we have felt with it the best we could.

RULE#1
No peels, no rice, egg shells, nothing allowed down the disposal. Everytime we would grind shit up the other side of the sink would fill with the nasty remnent water.

RULE#2
do not run the water longer than 30 seconds.

RULE#3
don't forget to follow rules 1&2!!! Ooops!

Well yesterday I began to notice that when I unloaded our dishwasher and noticed water accumlitation in the bottom of the unti. Great! The sink has gotten so bad that if you run the water longer than 5 seconds it fills and dosnt drain for hours! We had to actually shopvac the water out, iiick. So today it became so backed up with water that the dishwasher began to leak! I'm mean what are we waiting for?? Are the night elves going to come and fix it? This is no way to live!

The washing machine is sounding funky and our thermostat went wacky and turned our programmer heat all the way down to 62! I felt Like the biggest idiot trying to figure out why it was so cold in the house all day! And here's the piece of resistance, our beloved 56" Sony LCD tv has a defective screen! We are 2 months past our warranty and they won't budge! It would cost us $2,100 to replace the screen, we purchased the whole thing for $2,900!!!! We have been working on getting Sony to honor their products and meet us somewhere in the middle. So our lives so far this year have sucked! We are stressed, tired, and frustrated. I want out of this house, a new baby, and a sense of NORMAL!! We have our relator coming over next Thurs to help stage the house, hopefully we can fix 2/4 issues by then. Fingers crossed this is just a bad first few months! My family is healthy, my girls are amazing and my husband is my rock. I just need to focus on the good. I can't wait to come back to this blog and actually post about something positive. Until then...

Catching up

I am currently waiting on this Provera to kick in. For those that don't know what Provera is, it is a synthetic form of progesterone that is present to start a woman's cycle. This is my 4 th or 5 th month using it and wish there was a quicker way to " jump start" things! I hate this process!! I am so emotionally and physically drained from this. God must really think I need a lesson in Patience. The first day I start lines up my entire month. From my clomid days, to my fertile days, to the waiting days! I wish I was one of those lucky women that don't find out until 8-10 wks! Man, that would be nice! I found out so early with Ava and every day I felt like a ticking time bomb just counting down till the 2 nd tri!

In other news, my Mom paid us a visit from NY! We all had such a great time. The girls are so blessed to have a Grandmother like her. She came and read at El's preschool, we played board games, read books, watched movies, went to the children's museum! We had an awesome time and wish we all lived closer! I am always so jealous of families that have everyone living close by! Many people take this for granted. You don't know how hard it is to not have Grandparents coming to school night or recitals, but I do! I believe this has made me a better mother, a more loving wife and much more appreciative of the time I for get to spend with my parents And sister!

Hopefully this weather will begin to ease up. I am so done with winter, as I bet alot of the country is! Kansas in Feb/March is usually mild with the early beginnings of spring! Not this year, were still covered in snow and ice and our temps had held steady around 35 degrees! I will never ask for snow again, I promise! I will update with my dates of my new cycle just as soon as it starts!! Until then, pray for Spring!!!!!!

Blood work and randomness

Quick update! My last post was dedicated to the life and loss of my Geandfather, I didn't want to interject ramblings of clomid, opks, and TTC stuff so here's what I left out!

I took my last 50mg clomid pill January 23( the day G-pa passed & my b-day) I fell off the wagon with temping while in PA, so when I returned I wasn't sure If I had missed ovulation it not. I had a full blood work up schedualed for cd21 which was feb 5th. They checked everything from cholesterol to my thyroid. I waited paitently for my results all the while analyzing every symptom I "thought" I had. Dr. Cooper called with the news that I did NOT ovulate!!!! Devastated was an understatement!!!! My testosterone levels were elevated which is classic in Pcos so no surpise there. My Dr said she is bumping up my dosage to 100mg and to start provera(af inducer) this week! I really hope this works I don't think I'm going to last much longer. I am emotionally drained from this! Everyone says "relax, it will happen"! Too bad it won't with Pcos!!! I can't relax! I have to temp, take ovulation tests, monitor my Cervical fluid(TMI) and count my cycle days! Relax? Right! Throw in the fact that are house is going on the market in a few weeks, I'm all set! I can't wait to move! Maybe that will be a "refresher" in all this stress! I can't wait to find my dream house! I know exactly what I want and for once, Wes and I are on the same exact page!!

Sorry this turned Into a miss mash of info but I have alot running through my head. I'm glad to get it out and relieve some of that pressure!

Anthony A Boccitto

I can't believe it's February already! The last half of January came and went in a big blur! As I wrote in my previous post, my birthday was a very Bittersweet day! I promised to update on the events of the week that followed and that's were I'll begin.

Saturday, January 23- 6:02 am

I was sound asleep when I woke to the ever familiar sound of my phone, only thing is, it was 6:00 am! No call at 6:00am is a good one! I looked at my phone and saw it was Jess( my sister). A few thoughts passed as I answered( was she still partying? Was someone hurt? Did Grandpa die?) I picked up and heard the quiver in her voice and knew. She explained that Grandpa was currently recieving CPR and that this was it! All the sudden it dawned on me-ITS MY BIRTHDAY. How could this happen today? Why would God pick today? She quickly let me go and said she would call me back with an update! I stumbled downstairs, grabbed a ciggarette and sat in the cold, dark garage. Wes quickly followed and lifted me up and hugged me. Then we sat and waited...

6:15am

I tried calling Jess back but with no answer I was too anxious to wait! I called my dads cell, no answer. ( I hate living so far, I feel so out of the loop). I finally decided to call my Mom. She answered on the 2 nd ring and my heart dropped as I heard the words, " Grandpa died hunny, about 15 minutes ago". I slumped onto the couch and sobbed. Wes tried his best to console me but with the girls asking me over and over why I wad crying he distracted them as I headed back down to the garage. I have never lost someone so close, I knew this would be hard. Then it hit me again, ITS MY BIRTHDAY. Oh my God, how will I ever be able to have a Happy birthday again??

8:00am

I walked around for a few hours in a daze! I text my friend Summer and told her, I cancelled with our BB sitter, and told we'd that no matter what I would be going east to be with my family. Of course he understood. I went up to my bed and got in hoping I could doze off for a little while. That didn't happen, my head was pounding and my heart was aching. My parents were on there way down to Scranton PA to be with my Grandma and Aunt. My poor Mom made the decision to wait until the following week to
visit them since he had been doing better. They( mom and dad) were at my cousin Seans army deployment when this happened. It's about 6 hours away. I pray that my mom will never blame herself for not being there, all the kids( my aunts and uncles) were trying to
divide the time up so that someone was always there. No one could for see this happening and God planned for
it to happen like this.

10:00am

My girlfriend Summer came and picked me up. We went grocery shopping and talked and tried to
focus on other things. While I was out my Dad called and said that the visitation and funeral would be that Monday and Tuesday! So soon! I had him get me the first flight out! It was schedualed for Sunday at 9:45 am! I picked up some extra things for the trip and for wes to get through the week with! Summer then treated me to lunch at MiRanchito and took me home. I called my parents back, got my complete itinerary and began to pack!

As I stated earlier, I had cancelled our BBsitter for that night. When I told my Mom she yelled at me! "your Grandfather lived for celebrations, you need to honor that and enjoy your day!" how
could I argue with that?? I called my friend summer up and asked if we could drop off the girls for a few hours so that we could go out to
dinner. Of course she agreed and we made plans to go have sushi and drinks! We ended up going to happy hour at RA! It was amazing like always, and I had a few too many sakes!! We picks up the girls and headed home. I finishd packing and passed out.

4:00pm Sunday

I arrived in Scranton after a long day of traveling! I was greeted by my 2nd cousin and taken back to my Granparents house. I walked
in and immedietly was surrounded by the love of my family! We ate,drank,laughed and cried till late into the night. Ilooked around the table and realized that the Italian Patriarch of our family was gone. He was the true leader of the family and loved the food and stories! Wow I miss him.

Monday

the visitation was set for 4pm-7pm! I felt pretty confident that I could handle the upcoming events. I arrived to the funeral home at 3:30, I hadn't even turnd the corner of the "viewing" room when my eyes filled with tears and my breathing got rapid. I turned the corner and saw him. I immedietly lost it. My knees went weak and I started going down, my parents rushed over and lifted me up. They slowly walked me up to his steel blue casket. I hadn't seen Grandpa for a few years(due to illness and the kids)! I didn't even recognize him. He looked peaceful, but not like him. Where were his glasses, his comfy pullover he would always wear? He should be sitting in his recliner not laying in a casket! I stood there for a while and just prayed! After that many friends and family came and said their condoleneces, we felt so loved by all the support and the amazing turnout of guests. Towards the end the VFW came in and saluted Grandpa, said some prayers and played the trumpet! It was so beautiful! Not a dry eye in the room!

We finished up at the funeral home and headed back to my grandparents! There was more
Food and drink than I have ever seen before! We all had a great time celebrating! My uncles played music and sang, while we all joined in! It would have been one heck of a party if we were not celebrating a life lost:(

Tuesday

We got to the funeral home around 10am to say our final goodbyes to Grandpa. We stood in line and each family member got to individually say their fairwells. I had written a letter on the back of our family Christmas card. I also included a picture of my darling girls. I tucked the envelope under his lapel right over his heart. It was very hard. We then went out to our cars and waited for the pallbearers to carry grandpa to the hearse. As I stood in the drizzle and wind I watched as the flag covered casket was carried by my father, uncles and cousins. It was heartbreaking! We drove in pressesion to the church and waited agin for them to carry Grandpa in. We found our seats and sat down for the service. It was amazing! The priest who was a close friend of my grandparents talked about how Grandpa had changed his life, my Mom gave the most heartfelt eulogy. She touched every single persons heart that was there! We concluded the service in song and proceeded to the cemetery. Once there, we filled into a small chapel where my Uncle Tony played his guitar and sang "Leader of the band"! If you haven't heard this song before you need too! Here is a verse: " the leader of the band is tired an his eyes are growing old, but his blood runs through my instrument..." I can't continue without crying so we'll leave it there! It was his song and was sung beautifully!

We then left and headed to a resturant for lunch. They do not do graveside burials anymore, but we would be able to return later to visit the grave site! Lunch was great, all the amazing Italian dishes we have grown up with. We gave toasts, and once again celebrated his life! After lunch we headed back to the house and ate and drank more!

I headed home on Thursday with a smile. Grandpa had a great life filled with so many people that loved him! He will forever be in my heart, and every year on my Birthday I will celebrate his life along with mine!!!

Dear Grandpa-
May you forever be at peace now, no more hospitals,needles, medicine! You have touched so many lives and we will forever keep you in our hearts and minds! You can now play beautiful music along with the angels!! I miss you-
your ever loving Granddaughter~ Christina

Anthony A. Boccitto
RIP
12•8•1928 - 1•23•2010

Bittersweet Birthday

Today is my 28th birthday. It is also the day that my Grandfather went to be with God. I don't have many details, he passes around 7am this morning and went peacefully. I will be flying out soon to be with my family during this difficult time. Please heat for everyones hearts to heal and also to rejoice and celebrate what a wonderful life Anthony Boccitto had!!!

Happy New Year???

The new year started off with a BANG!... and not in a good way! Late one night Wes and I were laying in bed, when I heard a huge bang. I immediately thought it was someone in the house(thank you vivid imagination). Wes rolled out of bed and searched high and low. No burglars and no sign of what caused the bang! We chalked it up to the cats messing around and went back to bed.
The following day I was going to the bathroom when I heard the sound of running water. I didn't really think much of it and went about my day. About 2 hours later, I returned to the bathroom and could still hear the rush of water. I ran into our master bathroom to check and see if the toilet was running...nope! Think Christina, think! That's when the light bulb went on! BASEMENT! I ran down the 2 flights of stairs, flung open the door and was greeted by water all the way up to the bottom stair of the basement! Disbelief,anger, and anxiety ran over me like a freight train! I ran through the 3 inches of water to rescue the brand new wooden kitchen set we got, I mean Santa got the girls for Christmas. I moved that to dry land and then proceeded to crawl in the storage unit and disable the water. Wes was called somewhere in between and was on his way home.

After we assessed the situation, Wes retreated outside to try to fix the busted pipe. He spent over 3 hours working on it. I forgot to mention, the reason the pipe broke was due to sub zero weather that brought wind chills of -30 degrees and lasted for a whole week! We then spent the evening shopvaccing and dumping buckets of water! The pipe was fixed and fans were drying out the carpet.

Flash forward 1 week.

I was starting a load of laundry and noticed the water pressure was about 50%! Didn't even wait for the lightbulb this time.

Sadly, I knew!

I immediately opened the basement door and was greeted by... Wait for it...wait for it...more water! Seriously??? The pipe re-burst!! I yelled to Wes who was home(Sunday) and he just shook his head! We then called our insurance co, and called a plumber! The plumber came out and capped off the pipe and said he would return the following day. The insurance co came out the next day and assessed the damage. They quoted us at around $5,000 for all the damage and estimated repairs! We contacted a company that would clean up all the water and make sure the walls were dry. Wes and I ripped out all of the carpet on our own, backbreaking does not begin to cover it! So now we are just drying out the walls and waiting to re-carpet!

Later that night...

Ping...ping...ping!

So due to all of the ice build up on the roof our kitchen ceiling began to leak! When it rains it pours, or should I say, when it snows it leaks?!? We put pots under the leaks and cleaned te snow from the roof. There is nothing we can do about the ceiling until we thaw out! I lts just one thing after another, and all within a week!

I want my fully functioning house back. I want to be able to send the
girls to play in the basement, I want to boil pasta in my pots not catch brown leaky roof water! I can't wait
to sell this crap hole and move! Once that carpet gets installed the sign is going in the yard! DONE!!

The Plan of Action

Today I had my much awaited for Dr.apt! Sono first followed by seeing Dr.Cooper! I am first off so relieved that my Dr. cares about me and took my concerns seriously. I called last week due to mid-cycle spotting. The nurse said she would talk to Dr.Cooper and get back with me. I was expecting her to have me come in for blood work but instead she set me up for a sono and apt! I got called back fairly quickly and we began the sono. The tech checked everything, she focused in on my right ovary and took many pictures, that's when I knew it was definite...PCOS! She said it is an average presentation and that with the right meds I will be fine. I was told to head back into the waiting room until the Dr was ready to see me.

I got called back after waiting for quite a while,just enough time to count 7 pregnant women pass through! I was led to an exam room and told to take a seat and wait. Just so happened that room was where I had originally found out I was pg with Ava. Ahhh, memories! I heard the familiar sound of a Doppler in the room next door and with every ounce of composure I cracked a smile. I shouldn't be envious or bitter towards pregnant women, for it is a miracle to carry a child and that point had been CLEARLY made throughout my ordeal.

Dr.Cooper gently knocked on the door and sat down next to me! She explained the findings if my sono and said we have some options.

A. We could continue to take the Provera monthly and hope I ovulate on my own
B. We could start Clomid

After going over the statistics and pros/cons of fertility drugs, I went for plan B!! I am soooo ready for this and I can't fathom the thought of going another 6 months without success! We came up with a "plan of action" and she wrote everything down For my reference! With Clomid the chance for multiples(twins) is up from 1%to 8%, which isn't that much(no watch me be the 8%)!

"PLAN OF ACTION"

1/6/2010-begin 10mg Provera
once af begins count cycle day 1.
CD3-7 I will take 50mg Clomid
CD13-20 take opks
CD21-full panel blood work up, progesterone levels checked for ovulation.
CD35-hcg test for pregnancy!!!!
If neg we will continue the cycle but up the Clomid to 100mg.

Sounds like a crazy,crazy mess of numbers and meds but I have done my homework and due to my previous charting I am use to counting cycle days and taking ovulation predictors! I will also continue to temp and somewhere in there find time to have sex!LOL!!! If all goes like planned I should be pregnant within the next few months!!

We appreciate every ones thoughts and prayers and hope that our dreams of expansion will
happen soon! I will update throughout the months!

Love to all!!!